Saturday, 28 March 2009

How To Put People Off Going To See Your Top Three Summer Movies, by Paramount

Paramount- screwing up franchises since 2008!
(Yes, still non-gaming, but at least we're back in the comfortable realm of Geeks now after Dave's terrifying descent into something vaguely approaching cool)

Regardless of whether you give a shit about them, three really big movies of this Summer all belong to Paramount. They are:

Star Trek (the JJ Abrams reboot of the franchise that went so far up its own arse it's long since circuled back around to Prequel territory)
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (the Michael Bay toy robot-stroke-vehicles blowing things up movie, 2)
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (as close as we're going to get to Team America: World Police 2, except with less convincing performances)

Now, I'm not going to say whether I'm looking forward to any of them or not, but I'm sure we can agree that these are going to make a lot of money, provided Paramount doesn't really screw up their advertising.


I went to the cinema today. Hoping for some entertaining trailers to relieve the pain from the eyeball-gougingly terrible advertising, there was one of Paramount's. Now films only come with a limited amount of trailers, but Paramount had three major movies coming soon to show off. Instead of doing them separately, making a decent job of it and running the risk that one could be pushed off, they decided to advertise them all at once.

They condensed all three trailers into one very confusing, fast-paced and downright stupid reel, then had a cheesy voiceover person say the titles as quickly and dumbly as possible. There was a lot of sniggering in the audience.

I've seen the full trailers for these films. GI Joe still looks rubbish, but at least Star Trek and Transformers 2 looked entertaining in trailer form. But rushed through and with a pointless voiceover narration that stopped being cool some time in the 70s, I was embarrassed.

Still, at least Paramount weren't the only ones. While there are plenty of dark and ominous Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince trailers to choose from Warner Bros decided to make the film like some campy teen comedy. Just without the comedy... which I suppose is normal for most teen comedies.

- Chris Capel

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